whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
