i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
