Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
