i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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