There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
