I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She even gives head with a lisp.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
