Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
