It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
