Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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