i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
