Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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