Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
