I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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