There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
