He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
