we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
