she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
