She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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