A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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