So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
