Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
