I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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