i don't like sucking hair
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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