Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
