I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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