Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
