I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
