Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
