I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
