I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
third nipple confirmed
Dicks are not precious.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
