How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
