she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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