Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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