She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
