You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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