new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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