Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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