U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just cut my nipple shaving
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
