You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
