when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
