I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
