Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
