Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
