i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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