Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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