Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
