This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
