Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
