i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
