I wish I could teleport
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
