Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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