I want to make a zoo with you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need to align my fucking chakras
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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