i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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